Saturday, January 7, 2017

How to Plan a Wedding and Stay Sane

wedding self care
In my previous post, I discussed the various cost saving measures my husband and I used during our wedding planning process. This was by far the easiest part of planning our wedding!

Today, reflect on our wedding again and provide tips on how you can survive with your sanity intact! My husband and I made it, so you can too!


Tip #1: While wedding planning, insignificant details suddenly become significant. In the end, they really don't matter.
When we started planning this wedding, I was well aware that it would be lots of work. What I failed to realize was the amount of detail involved. Right from the start I was told that I "needed" things from floor length tablecloths, wooden dance floor, uplighting, Chiavari chairs, knee length or floor length bridesmaids dresses (depending on who I was talking to), matching bridesmaid accessories, Catholic Ceremony, etc. Such advice was often accompanied with warnings if I didn't listen (i.e. "Your pictures will look bad!" "You decorations will look cheap!" "You'll look ugly/fat/old/young/90s/tacky/dated!" "Your guests will be bored/angry/hungry/confused/annoyed/hot/cold/sober/drunk/thirsty/etc!" "People will judge you!" "You'll convert to another religion!" "You'll regret it!")

Thinking back, there were so many hours wasted debating people on and researching insignificant details like tablecloth colors, napkin folds, decorations, makeup colors, uplighting, and seating arrangements. These are certainly hours of my life I certainly would like back, as in the end I'm sure 95% of the people at our wedding didn't notice/care about these things.


Tip #2: When you're told, "It's your wedding, do what you want," there's always going to be with a caveat. Ignore the caveat and trust your abilities.
While I was frequently told, "It's your wedding, do what you want," I often feel like people were really telling me, "Do what you want as long as I personally find it aesthetically pleasing." For instance, I was told that my wedding dress of choice was too simple and looked like a "bridesmaid dress", then asked to try on a gaudy sequin covered gown 10 sizes too large for me and being told it was a perfect fit. Later, I was told my attire looked "dated".

Keeping our wedding true to us was certainly a big challenge, and never in my life have I felt so insecure because everything from my decision making abilities down to my looks seemed to be under the magnifying glass at all times. At one point, I was even told that my demeanor was "too calm". It really felt like the world had their doubts and wanted us to fail.

In the end, my husband and I dealt by taking an "us against the world" approach to our wedding and not allowing unwanted opinions to change what we wanted. If anything, the doubt motivated us even more to throw the most enjoyable event possible for our loved ones. I learned to confident in my decisions and ignore any person, forum, or blog that told me that my tastes were tacky, ugly, and/or dated. While our wedding isn't exactly Pinterest worthy, I'm happy with how everything looked and felt great in my wedding outfit. Yes, I'm some people did have nitpicks (with other probably still waiting to tell me their "feedback") about the wedding, food, and my looks/attire, but so what? In the end, I'm glad my husband and I didn't cave to trends and conventions and can proudly say that we had a wedding that was true to ourselves.


Tip #3: Find support from different sources
Weddings certainly have the ability to teach you about the people in your social circles. While there were a few outlying incidents, I was generally wowed by the positivity and support from many of my family members and friends.

I also found support through online forums like Weddingwire.Com, which allowed me to ask questions and commiserate with fellow brides. What I liked best about the site was that most brides there provided honest and constructive feedback in a manner that was supportive, understanding, and non-judgmental. This extra outlet kept me from overwhelming my own social circles, as their lives are busy enough without me burdening them with my wedding woes.


Tip #4: Treat your wedding party and vendors with respect
Just because someone is your bridesmaid/groomsman does not mean that you own them until after your wedding day. Most likely, there are people you've selected because they're you're closest family/friends, so I find it just wrong to treat them like personal assistants. While our wedding party did offer to help out, my husband and I tried to keep their tasks to a minimum so they could enjoy the day. Ultimately, this wedding is just one day our of the (hopefully) many we will spend together in our lifetimes.

Similarly, while providing paid services, don't forget that vendors are people too. Treat them well from the start and they will return the favor. Also, don't forget gratuity always and positive online reviews for good service! My husband and I were lucky enough to work with wonderful vendors over the course of a year, and one of the saddest parts of this wedding being over is no longer getting to interact with them regularly.


Tip #5: Something will go wrong on your wedding day, but it will be okay!
My coworker relayed these words of wisdom to me on my last day of work before the wedding. Indeed, despite months of painstaking planning, there were still things that went wrong! While there were no major disasters, there were definitely a few near misses and rough patches throughout the day. However, our wedding day didn't fall apart, plenty of things went right, and I haven't heard too many complaints.


Tip #6: Don't expect your wedding day to be the best day of your life
Not only is there so much expectation for weddings to be "perfect", but there's the myth that it's supposed to be the "happiest day of your life". At this point, it's safe to say that the week leading up to the wedding was miserable and exhausting. While our wedding day was great, it was far from the happiest day of our lives as there was so much organized chaos happening around us. In fact, it took several weeks and the arrival of wedding photos for the adrenaline to fully wear down, though these series of blog posts has caused some of those old feelings to resurface.

It's okay if your wedding day isn't the best day ever! If fact, that was my expectation going into this event, as how sad would it be if my life reached its peak on my wedding day? Now that I'm married, my desire is to make even happier memories together with the hope that our best days are yet to come.


Tip #7: Don't forget your relationship...and yourself!
With all the work surrounding weddings, it's sometimes easy to forget the reason for having one! From the beginning, I knew that my husband didn't care as much about "the convention of marriage" as in his mind, we were already committed to each other. I accepted this and hence did most of the planning work. However, as the work increased and the wedding date approached, our lives and free time became consumed with everything wedding related.

Realizing that we were increasingly exhausted and miserable, we made changes like evening walks where no wedding talk was allowed and date nights at our favorite restaurants. Feeling my body start to to break down between the stress of work and wedding planning, I made concerted efforts to sleep early, stay hydrated, and relax when I could. While I'm already familiar with the importance of self-care thanks to my career, I had to be even more mindful of my physical and emotional health during this taxing wedding process. No wedding is worth sacrificing health.


For those who had relaxing wedding experiences, I congratulate you on being extremely lucky! For everyone else, please remember to stay true to yourself, trust your abilities, and that this is only one day out of an entire lifetime! While I'm thankful to have had a wonderful wedding, my husband and I are ecstatic and relieved to have moved on from that part of our lives, and mostly to have some free time again!

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